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Jan
11

UPDATED NEW YEAR HONOURS LIST

Art by Jeorge Asare-Djan

NEW YEAR HONOURS LIST by CAMERON DUODU
Order of the Dead Tilapia
(This newly created Hallowed Order is so eminent that no
individual in Ghana could have earned it., It replaces the erstwhile “Order Of The Dead Vulture”. Be warned: only those familiar with “Olde English” [circa King James] will get its full import.)
It therefore goes to the Government and People of Ghana as a whole.
CITATION: Menne and Womenne of Ghana, Childrene and Adultes, Elevated and Diselevated,
Ye and your goates, sheepe, chickens, guinea fowles and other assorted Descendants of the Creatures That Disembarked from the bowels of Noah’s Ark,
Having singly and collectively, by Actes of Omissione and Commissione, deliberately placed the continued existence of your Progeny on Planette Earth in Utter Perile, Despite The Mercies accorded Ye By The Almightie;
Ye, having variously satte down even in the 21 Century –to wit, the Year of Our Lorde 2014 — and heartily partaken of and indeed consumed, your delicious koobi-flavoured aprapransa with nsesaawa or Keta Schoolboys (Otherwise knowne as ‘One-man-thousand’) floating therein and over-populating the aprapransa; your kon-ker-shitor; your cocoyam fufuo with green-green akrantier-soupe-in-which doth-float-large-snailes; and wherein-soft-grilled-adwen doth-congregate and-take-counsele-with-finely-shaped-okro-and-gardene-egges; your tuo-zaafi-and-naama; your redde-redde; your waache-and-wele; your Kofi Brokeman; your tatale-and-groundenuts; your corne-onne-the-cobbe and even your Chinese-takeaway; your goate-lighte-soupe-and-cassava-plus-plantain-ff.; your cowefoote-plus-palm-soupe-with-nane-otherwise-known-as-salted-porke trotter; your ekyim-with-3tc; and your akplidzii-with-bifi; your akpleh-with-long-okro-soupe and your mpihuu/nnyoma-with-nsibire-and/o­nkaakom-and/or-nnomo-mushroomes-plus-akckon:
Ye, having also gotten drunnke after such feasting, on your akpeteshie/VC10-ogogoro-kpeh-kill-me-quick-Blue-Omo, odoka and other palme-wine-distilled -concoctions-with-impurities-intacte;
Have thereafter allowed your mindes to be ensnared by Slumber and Stupor, to wit: into believing that members of your Generation are the only people intended by Nature to be Inheritors of The Resources of the Lande
on Planette Earth that the Lorde Your Father hath given unto thee; that although none of ye did invente the Delicacies and Nectars that you have commandeered in Your version of the Gardene of Eden, ye think your Ancestors are no longer worthy of Consideration in your Mindes; viz.: that the Naturalle Resources they left to you shall be wantonly destroyed by you! Yea – even unto the Very Waters whereof ye and your children do – and MUST DRINKE!
Ye claime to be Devoute, throing to churche on Sunday and Saturday together inclusive, and on special prayer days scheduled by your serpent pastors to coincide with pay-day. But ye remembereth not that Moses; Abraham; Isaac; Joseph Jesusand the Prophets, all did value Water greatly during their Sojourne upon Earth.
Hearken ye now therefore, ye Generation of Vipers, Verily, Verily, ye and Your Rulers – both moderne and traditionale – having extorted pecuniary consideration, do allow the Venerable Descendantes of the Chin Dynasty to bring toh-toh-toh-toh machines into your Mighty Rivers, even the Prah and the Ankobra; Birem and Densu, Offin and Tanoh; to despoil them and rake up their very Riverbeds, and therein to searche for Filthy Lucre; to kille all the living Fishe with Cyanide, Mercury and Lead; and turne the Water into Greenish­-
Yellowe Fieldes of Mudde and Stenche Algae;
Hearken, Ye Stiff-necked Generation: have ye not heard what the Venerable Descendants of the Chin Dynasty ddid o unto their own Kithe and Kinne, when they did catche them, even polluting the Rivers of the Land of Chin?
If ye have not read, then do Reade herein and Reade it Goode:

30 December 2014, Xinhua [the Venerable Voice of the Descendants of the Chin Dynasty]:
QUOTE – “NANJING — Six companies in east China’s Jiangsu Province were ordered to pay 160 million yuan (26 million U.S. dollars) for discharging waste chemical to rivers by a court….It is the highest fine of its kind in China ever imposed.
“The companies, from Taizhou City, were ordered to pay the amount to an environmental protection fund within 30 days. They were found guilty of discharging 25,000 tons of waste acid
into two rivers, which caused serious pollution, according to Jiangsu Provincial Higher People’s Court. UNQUOTE
Now, tell me, Ye Dwellers of Ghana, what happened to the brains that the Lord Your God gave unto ye? Have ye seen a Filme made by Edem Srem entitled Trading Ghana’s Water For Gold?
Have ye seen a similar film on www.youtube.com made for Al- Jazeera Television by Anas Aremeyaw Anas? Or another filme made for the London Guardian by Afua Hirsch, which is also available on www.youtube.com?
Are ye quite Lunaticke, then, ye Citizens of Faire Ghana? How can ye go to China to borrowe billions of dollars but neglect to observe how they preserved and improved their Natural Resources in order to become so filthy riche that even your countrie once so riche it was known as The Golde Coaste, now runs to them, cap in hand, to solicit for loanes?
Ye notice not that the Chinese People do take Very Goode care of their Owne Water Resources, and punishe severely those who would deign to destroy theme? Do ye not see how the Chinese so revere their environment that it is PEOPLE’S COURTS that they EMPOWER to adjudicate over the pollutione of Rivers, not lawyers that can be corrupted? Do the people who trick you into believing that China is now a countrie runne entirely with Capitaliste Ethicks point this out to you? Do ye knowe that China is owed near to 1.3 trillion US dollars by the USA, but China would never allow that country to droppe a single pollutant into the water-sources of China, just so China would be on the good side of the USA and theby not tempte the USA to renege on paying what it owes to China?
Oh, ye Madde Men and Women of Ghana, when will ye put on your thinking cappes, gird your loines and attacke the galamsey
operators in order to save your Water Sources from Destructione? A 24-year-old manne fell into a galamsey piete at Asiakwa on 1.1.2015 and died! Nowhere ELSE is it tolerated that the Water Resources bequeathed to Future Generations by The Ancestors who discovered those Water Sources thousands of Years Ago, shall be destroyed ands turned into Deathe-trappes — in JUST ONE SINGLE GENERATION — BY BRIBE-TAKERS AND VARIOUS IDIOTES WHO THINK THAT RESOURCES ARE INHERITED ONLY TO BE DESTROYEDE!
The Goode Booke says ”By their Deedes ye shall know them!”
Ye, by Your Collusion With The Galamsey operators, Ye Men and Women of Ghana of Today, Do Deserve the Greatest Contempte that any Humane Being can attract unto Himselfe or Herselfe.
And so, I heartily awarde Ye The Order of the Dead Tilapia!

May the Dead Tilapia pollute, with its Horrible Stenche, your clothing, your dwellings, ewen you air-conditioned motor cars and offices, and indeed, the Very Air That You Do Breathe. Tilapia murdered by a Pollutede River just rots in its own exuded liquides and gases, and lets off badde scenttes and badde scenttes and badde scentts and badde scenttes!!
Scentte no oooooooooo! [Damn that Scent!]
Scentte no abr3 y3n! [We’re tired of That Scent!]
Ad3n? [Why do we have to endure it at all?]

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