NEW YEAR HONOURS LIST by CAMERON DUODU
Order of the Dead Tilapia
This newly created Hallowed Order is so valuable that no
individual in Ghana could have earned it.
It therefore goes to the Government and People of Ghana as a whole.
CITATION: Menne and Womenne of Ghana, Childrene and Adultes, Elevated and Diselevated,
Ye and your goates, sheepe, chickens, guinea fowles and other assorted Descendants of the Creatures That Disembarked from the bowels of Noah’s Ark,
Having singly and collectively, by Actes of Omissione and Commissione, deliberately placed the continued existence of your Progeny on Planette Earth in Utter Perile, Despite The Mercies accorded Ye By The Almightie;
Ye, having variously satte down even in the 21 Century –to wit, the Year of Our Lorde 2014 — and heartily partaken of your delicious koobi-flavoured aprapransa with nsesaawa or Keta Schoolboys (Otherwise knowne as ‘Oneman-thousand’) floating therein and overpopulating the aprapransa; your komiker-shitor; your cocoyam fufuo with greengreen akrantiersoupe-in-whichlargesnailesdo-swimme; and where soft-grilled-adwenttakecounselle-with-inely-shaped-okros-and-garden-egges; your tuo-zaafi-and-naama; your redde-redde; your waache-and-wele; your Kofi Brokeman; your tatale-and-grilled-groundnuts; your corne-on-the-cobbe and your Chinese-takeaway; your goate-lighte-soup-and-cassavaplus-plantain-fufuo; your cowefoote-plus-palme-soupe-and-porke=foote; your ekyim-with-etc and your akplidzii-with-bifi;your akpleh-with-long-soupe and
Ye, having also gotten drunnke after such feasting, on your akpeteshie-VC10-ogogoro-kpeh-kill-me-quick-Blue-Omo, odoka and other palmewine brewed concoctions;
Have allowed your mindes to be ensnared by Slumber, to wit: into believing that members of your Generation are the only people intended by Nature to be Inheritors of The Resources of the Lande
on Planette Earth that the Lorde Your Father gave unto you; that although none of you invented any of the Delicacies and Nectars that you have commandeered in Your version of the Gardene of Eden,ye think your Ancestors are no longer worthy of Consideration in your Mindes; viz.: that the Naturalle Resources they left to you can be wantonly destroyed; yea – even unto the Very Water whereof ye and your children do – and MUST DRINKE!
Ye claime to be Devout, going to churche on Sunday and Saturday together inclusive, and on special prayer days to boote; but ye remember not that Moses; Abraham; Isaac; Joseph and Jesus (according to the Goode Booke) – all did value Water greatly during their Sojourne on Earth.
Hearken ye now then, ye Generation of Vipers, Verily, Verily, ye and Your Rulers – both moderne and traditionale – do take bribes to allow the Venerable Descendantes of the Chin Dynasty to bring toh-toh-toh-toh machines into your Mighty Rivers, to despoil them and rake up their very Riverbeds, thereby to searche for Filthy Lucre; to kille all the Fishe therein with Cyanide, Mercury and Lead; and turn the Water into Greenish-
Yellowe Fieldes of Mudde and Stenche;
Hearken, Ye Stiffnecked Generation: have ye not heard about what the Venerable Descendants of the Chin Dynasty do unto their own Kinne, when they do catche them, polluting their Rivers?
If ye have not read, then do Reade herein and Reade it Goode:
On 30 December 2014, Xinhua, the Voice of the Descendants of the Chin Dynasty, reported:
QUOTE: “NANJING — Six companies in east China’s Jiangsu Province were ordered to pay 160
million yuan (26 million U.S. dollars) for discharging waste chemical to rivers by a court….It is
the highest fine of its kind in China ever imposed.
“The companies, from Taizhou City, were ordered to pay the amount to an environmental protection fund within 30 days. They were found guilty of discharging 25,000 tons of waste acid
into two rivers, which caused serious pollution, according to Jiangsu Provincial Higher People’s Court. In August  Taizhou Intermediate People’s Court sentenced 14 people involved in the pollution to prison terms ranging from two to five years and ordered the companies to pay 26m US DOLLARS within nine months. The six companies appealed [but] Jiangsu Provincial
Higher People’s Court upheld the [original] ruling.
Tell me, Ye Dwellers of Ghana, have ye seen a Filme made by Edem Srem entitled Trading Ghana’s Water For Gold? Have ye seen a similar film on www.youtube.com made for Al- Jazeera Television by Anas Aremeyaw Anas? Or another filme made for the London Guardian by Afua Hirsch, which is also available on www.youtube.com?
Are ye quite Lunaticke, Citizens of Ghana? How can ye go to China to borrowe billions of dollars but neglect to observe how they preserved and improved their Natural Resources in order to
become so filthy riche that the countrie once known as The Golde Coaste now runs to them, cap in hand, to solicit for loanes?? Ye observe not that the Chinese People do take Very Goode care of their Owne Water Resources, and punishe severely those who would deign to destroy theme? Do ye not see how it is that it is PEOPLE’S COURTS that they EMPOWER to adjudicate over the pollution of Rivers, not lawyer-controlled courts of justice that
can be corrupted? Do the people who trick you into believing that China is now a countrie runne entirely with Capitaliste Ethicks point this out to you? Do ye know that China is owed near to 1.3 trillion US dollars by the USA but China would never allow that country to droppe a single pollutant into the watersources of China, just because China wants to be on the good side of the USA so that the USA would not be tempted
to renege on paying what it owes to China?
Oh, ye Madde Men and Women of Ghana, when will ye put on your thinking cappes, gird your loines and attacke the galamsey
operators in order to save your Water Sources from Destructione? Nowhere ELSE is it toleratedmthat the Water Resources bequeathed to Future Generations by The Ancestors who discovered those Water Sources thousands of Years Ago, shall be destroyed — in JUST ONE SINGLE GENERATION — BY BRIBETAKERS AND VARIOUS IDIOTES WHO THINK THAT RESOURCES ARE INHERITED ONLY TO BE DESTROYEDE!
The Goode Booke says ”By their Deedes ye shall know them!”
Ye, by Your Collusion With The Galamsey operators, Ye Men and Women of Ghana of Today, Do Deserve the Greatest Contempte that any Humane Being can attract unto Himselfe or Herselfe.
And so, I heartily awarde Ye The Order of the Dead Tilapia. May the Dead Tilapia pollute, with its Horrible Stenche, your clothing, your dwellings, you airconditioned motor cars and offices,and indeed, the Very Air You Breathe. Tilapia murdered by a Polluted River just rots in its own exuded liquides and lets off a badscentandbadscentandbadscentandbadscent!!
Scent no oooooooooo! [Damn that Scent!]
Scent no abr3! [We’re tired of That Scent!]
Ad3n? [Why do we have to endure it at all?]