Nov 18


Is It Possible To Unsubscribe From Ghana?​

Published on November 9, 2013
Cameron Duodu

Cameron Duodu
K1 – Koo, so you have gone and left me alone?
K2 – Koo, I don’t like the way you are putting it. It’s as if I left you deliberately. Yet you know that there are commitments to be fulfilled by all of us. For instance, medical appointments, at our age, cannot be trifled with….
–Yes, yes, I am sorry. It’s just the disappointment in me talking. To have had you to exchange ideas with for a good two months has been good for the soul, I tell you.
  • It may have been good for your soul, Koo….
  • Don’t say it wasn’t good for yours, too?
  • It was. It was. Don’t get me wrong. What is galling is that nothing changes. You dissect an issue with as much gumption as you can summon, and yet it remains the same. One or two people will comment on how good they felt when they read your piece, but those who can take action on it simply don’t care. It is as if one empties what is inside one’s mind into a deep, dark garbage can! It is only gathered and carted off to the rubbish heap each time.
  • So the mobile phone companies continue to say that everyone has switched off his or her instrument, even though you have proved that that is impossible??
  • D’accord!
  • The health authorities, short of beds and staff as they are, continue to discharge patients from the hospitals, who have not quite recovered. So, one fine afternoon, you visit a discharged patient only to find her in absolute distress. She’s taken back to the hospital, but is found dead on arrival…..
  • Koo, you are frightening me! Didn’t you write about “the endangered species?” Don’t you know I am in that age-group?
  • Koo, it isn’t me frightening you – it’s the system. It gives one the impression that it’s working, whilst it’s not doing anything of the sort. I mean, when a person is discharged from the hospital, isn’t the assumption that she is making progress and so is going home to recover fully? But who has the time and capability to monitor her condition at home after she’s been discharged, to confirm that she is indeed making the expected recovery?
  • Yiee, Koo, ask that question again! The doctors and nurses can barely cope with the patients brought to them in their hospitals. How then can they be expected to visit those discharged in order to monitor their condition?
  • Oyiwa!
  • And if they try to phone – assuming they even had the time or inclination to want to phone up to ask….
  • The phone company would tell them that
the phone in the patient’s home had been “switched off”, or was “out of range”, or that no-one was answering it, or that it was engaged on “the other” [sic] call!
  • And this is a country with a Government manned at the top by so many Ministers and Deputy Ministers that the Government has had to appoint a special Minister to count, assign, and register their motor vehicles?
  • Koo, this is no laughing matter and yet you are making me laugh! Hahahahahahahaha!
  • Hahahahaha!
  • Koo, if you don’t laugh, you will cry!
  • Koo, it is Fela who got it right: “We are laughing AND crying!”Hahahahaha!
  • Buei! Yeawu oooooh! (Alas, we are done for!)
  • Ei! Koo, do you know the latest I heard?
Oh, that the Internal Revenue people hired a company to gather tax for it from the phone companies, and that it didn’t wait for the company to monitor any calls at all before it paid the company over ¢70 million?
  • Yiee? In this age of Woyome….
  • And Waterville….
  • And Gyeeda?
  • And the guinea fowls that went to lay eggs in Burkina Faso and stayed there to get married to Burkina Faso guinea fowls?
  • Hahahahahaha. I didn’t know guinea fowls needed to get married. I thought they just needed to cackle loudly every five seconds: “I am ready for it! I am ready for it oh!!!”
  • Hmmm, you don’t know what has entered guinea fowls these days, do you? ECOWAS adaworoma (thanks to ECOWAS) they no longer need visas to travel across borders to the “French line” to engage in nuptial activities…
  • Hahahahahaha! That’s the true explanation!!
  • Do you know something, Koo?
  • No!
  • The sort of thing you’re discussing can create something called alienation ….
  • Alien-what, Koo? I thought we’d had all the trouble we could handle with this “alien” business? Have you forgotten Alien-compliance by Busia in 1969? And RetAlienation by Shehu Shagari in 1983?
  • Oh this one is internAlienation! You live in your own country, but you feel like a stranger in it.
  • Is that possible?
  • Yes! One of my more brilliant friends calls it unsubscribing!
  • Like you unsubscribe from an Internet group?
  • Or a newspaper that you used to pay money to receive regularly!
  • But then, you won’t know what goes on?
  • That’s the whole idea! If you don’t know, you won’t get angry, and if you don’t get angry, then you won’t attempt to speak against it, or write against it, or try to do anything about it; and if you don’t do anything about it, then those who are chopping your taxes waa....! waaa!….waah! will, of course, have a field day….
  • And as they’re having a field day with your taxes, you’d say, “Oh, I don’t care. Me and my family live in a bubble. We have our 4 by 4 so if the roads are bad, we don’t care. We have our generator, so if there is no electricity, we don’t care. We have tanks-on-top-of-tanks catching rainwater for us. So, if there is no water in the pipes, we don’t care. But one day, the bubble will burst. Or there will be no more visas to go to Europe or America . …
  • Ai, Koo! Don’t…..
  • Hahahahaha. You must never unsubscribe from your own country, Koo! Remember 1979? Remember 1981-82?
  • Koo, you know, I think you’re right.
  • You bet I am right, Koo! Those who do not remember their own [bad] history are condemned to relive it, Koo!
  • Apologies to Socrates, Koo?
  • Maybe. Maybe Edmund Burke. Maybe George Santayana. Who cares? It’s just spot-on!
By Cameron Duodu

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